


Behind The Glass

by orphan_account



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-01 08:06:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2765816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton Irwin is in a band called 5 Seconds of Summer.<br/>He's always smiling, cracking jokes, and messing around with the others.<br/>But what lays behind the glass?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. { one }

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This contains self-harm, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, severe depression, and a lot of painful things that could be triggering to some people. Many disorders will be mentioned, like anorexia, and anxiety. Read with caution, and remember, self-harm is never the answer.

Fire.

Flames burst through my veins, making me scream out in pain, though no noise was produced other than a small choking sound. I was alone in my room, waiting for the ticking to stop. The ticking was constant, neverending and unbearably torturous. I couldn't stand it, I checked every inch of my house to see where it was coming from, then gave up and went to my room. I lay on my bed now, the sheets red and sticky, as I waited for the ticking to stop. 

Only after it was too late I realized it was my heart.

_point of view change_

Fear.

Fear burst through my body, giving me the adrenaline I needed to move. I stood on his porch, pulling out my spare key and shoving it into the lock, then twisting the poor knob open with all my strength. "Ashton!" I scream throughout the house, running around frantically. I sighed angrily, stomping upstairs to his bedroom, and knocking. "Ash! You've been gone for hours and we have a gig soon!" I called, but got no response. "ASH!" I screamed again, turning the knob but it was locked. 

"Dammit!" I said to myself, turning so I could shoulder the door. I hit my shoulder against it once, nothing happened. Twice, nothing. Three times, nope. By the sixth try, the door was starting to give way. "C'mon!" I said, then the seventh hit did it. The door burst open, and what I saw scarred me for life. 


	2. { two }

Beep.

The constant beep, invading my mind. The only thing keeping me tied to the mortal world. The only thing that made me realize I'd failed. The beeping. I wanted it to stop. It was neverending, like the ticking. But the ticking was weak. My mouth tried to smile, but was denied by my muscles, they were sore. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating on the air around me. I felt a syringe plunge into my left arm, and then there was nothing. 

Just blackness.

I was weightless. It was a pure bliss state. Until there was only white. I backed away from the harsh whiteness, it burned my eyes. Back into the blackness we go.

_point of view change_

Warmth. I held the comatose boy's hand, sitting next to his hospital bed as the scent of cleanliness and medicine filled my nose. I gagged on the air, wanting desperately to leave, but I didn't let myself. "Are you okay?" My bandmate asked me, his tan skin turning a bit pale in the harsh lights. "I'm fine." I replied, seeing my silver lip ring glint as I spoke. "Are you sure? We can bring you some food. You haven't eaten since-"

"I'm fine!" I yelled to the red-haired man on my left, now getting angry. "We just want what's best, Luke. If Ash doesn't wake up-"

"HE WILL WAKE UP!" I scream, tears filling my eyes. Calum and Michael leave the room then, and I am alone with my tears, and my comatose boyfriend.


	3. { three }

Twitch.

There it is again, the feeling of something in my chest twitching. Twitch, and again. It might be my weak heart, trying to get its beats to solidify, but it might not be. It could be from the aftershocks of the defibrillators, since the shocks went through my body in waves, but it could be something else. I heard a flatline on the heart monitor, but my heart kept up its feeble attempts to beat properly, and I was going to make it give up, when I heard it.

Heart-wrenching sobs, sobs that could make your eyes spill tears and could break your heart in a moment's notice. I felt a heavy weight on my right arm, and a familiar warmth. It was probably his forehead, and I could feel his wet tears drip onto the bed as he cried. Using every known fiber of strength and willpower in my body, I was able to do the one thing I'd wanted to do since I felt Luke next to me.

I squeezed his hand back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MUHAHAHAHAHAAHA CLIFFHANGER EVEN THOUGH YOU DONT DESERVE IT IDC MUHAHAHAAAAAAA


	4. { four }

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: CONFUSION.

Sadness.

The most powerful emotion, crashing down on me in a wave of sorrow, branching inside of me, my face felt like it was going to turn blue. I looked to my left, expecting Calum to be next to me. It'd been four years since my lover died, and I still expected to wake up next to him. He was never there, except when he was.

  _point of view change_

Shock.

Ashton and I enter Michael's flat and the first thing we feel is utter shock. Our friend was sitting on the black leather couch, his hair its natural colour and the length it was back in 2011 when 5 Seconds of Summer was first created. He was wearing a hoodie that was definitely Calum's. Black faded skinny jeans framed his legs and he was barefoot. "Hi." He croaked, his voice sounding fucked. Ashton snickered. Michael looked at him with watery eyes, and I nudged Ash's side. 

"Where's Cal?" I asked, and Michael did something unexpected. He took out something from his hoodie pocket, and handed it to me. Close up, I studied his face. Large bags, ranging from black to purple, surrounded the underside of his green bloodshot eyes. His cheeks were sunken in, and then I noticed Calum's hoodie looked two sizes bigger than it should, hanging off of his torso. I looked at the object, a picture, and my eyes widened.

The picture was a tombstone.

_Calum Thomas Hood_

_January 25, 1996 - October 17 2014_

_"A band mate, best friend, and boyfriend. The best bassist we could ask for."_

Was written on it. I choked on air, dropping the picture and falling to my knees. Ash fell beside me, wrapping his arm around me and looking concerned. "Luke?! Luke what's wrong? !" He asked frantically. "The - the picture -" was all I managed to get out. "Oh my god," I heard Ash gasp beside me, then he stood up and pulled Michael into our hug. "Mikey, why didn't we know?" Ash sobbed, and then I felt the wetness trailing down my cheeks too. "You," Michael said, "never asked." 

Then we all started hysterically laughing, three former band mates. Singers, a drummer, and two guitarists without our bassist. A hole in our hug. Our Kiwi-Scottish friend. With that I realized sickeningly we'd never have a full group hug again. I leant my head on Michael's sharp shoulder, and whispered;

"Where'd we go wrong?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me explain.  
> Ash woke up from his coma, but when he did, he found out that Calum had started self-harming and was also in the hospital for it. Michael was devastated when Calum died, and has isolated himself from society since then. Ash and Luke haven't seen Michael in four years, now Ash is 24, and Luke 22. They don't know he's dead either.  
> May or may not be final chapter.


End file.
